the why

Saying that I might over analyze things is like saying that the sun might rise in the east and set in the west.

Yeah so, now that we have that established, I'd like to kind of throw out some thoughts on why I want to go back to South Africa. Some people have asked me why and it's really a hard thing to articulate. See, while it's very important to me to go back to South Africa, it's also very important to me that I am going back for the right reasons.

On one hand, South Africa isn't a hard place to fall in love with. I mean, hey, it's Africa and we're on the Indian Ocean or in the bush the whole time and so there is an element of romance to it all. It's freaking gorgeous. The people are amazing. On the other hand, I'd say South Africa is a hard place to continue loving...you see some hard stuff while you're over there, a lot of hard stuff. Then you get this feeling of being overwhelmed and not being able to do enough. It's frustrating. And I've only been over there short term--can you imagine living there and being faced with that every day?

Part of what draws me to this country is that whenever I've been there, God just shows up in incredible ways. Before I go any further, let me just say that I realize that I don't have to go through 36 completely hellish hours of travel to have God say, "Oh, that Ashlyn! She's getting serious, hopping on planes to foreign countries and all--well, I guess I can show up for a little while..." I know that God is capable of showing up anywhere that he pleases. I think that something about Africa makes it easier for him to move and move big though...maybe because the culture over there isn't as jaded to the spiritual world as America is or something? I don't know.

What I'm trying to figure out is...do I love South Africa for selfish reasons, for what it does for me, or do I love it because God has given me a heart and a vision for this place? See, I have no clue. I'm really hoping that this trip will help me to figure it out and I'm praying even now that God will give me his vision and his love for this country so that I can be effective for the short time that I'm over there.

ha--bear with the musings, people--I have to start processing things this far out, or I won't know what to do when it's finally here...